All My Children

these are my hearts....the greatest gifts I've ever been given...I'd lay my life down for any of my babies...and Jordan...was born to me when I was only a 18...his smile melts my heart, he has been my little best friend for years...my sidekick wherever I go, now he's as tall as me...and I still wish he could be the little boy that would curl up on my tummy and fall asleep with me...
I'll never forget the day I told him "you're the apple of my eye"....to which he replied:
"and you're the carrot of me!"....I love this precious lil man so much!

my precious blue-eyed princess, Alani...(My ex-husband has requested before our custody judge that I not show "upclose pictures of the kids or their faces" anywhere) so here's the most beautiful hair of my sweet 5 year old, that wants to be called, Strawberry Shortcake...her eyes sparkly with the glitter of heaven...she loves to dance and sing, and will perform a little song and ask if I think she should be on stage! To which I reply....ofcourse!

can  you tell how much she's like her mama...this is her Cupcake purse, with Hello Kitty keychain and Hello Kitty mints....and the red hair peeking out from the top, is none other than the scarlet hair of STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE! Oh and a  Disneyland Princess keychain is hidden under kitty!

and this is my littlest of men...my Blaker, who has his secret helmet, which consists of his blue "silky" pillow case that he takes with him almost everywhere...but his baseball bat is what's making it poke out all funny on his shoulder! He makes me laugh all the time, and then he asks me, "mama? me make you yaff (laugh)?"....yes you make me yaff!!! (this was him posing in great gramma's kitchen)....his eyes melt me!

I cried as I drove away after dropping them off at their dads yesterday...even though they'll only be there for a couple days...it breaks my heart, to know that they don't know the security of knowing they'll stay in the little routine of being with me, or knowing that they'll never have to be apart from me...I think, "this is not how I dreamed that my life would be"...
and I hear God speak to my heart saying..."your dream life is waiting in heaven...I will carry you and your little people on in strength"...
and tears welled up in my eyes...and I just longed to hold my babies in my arms...I thought that this must be how God feels...he longs to hold us in his arms and love us...and no matter what takes us away from him in life...he's always wanting and waiting to hold us and love us.
I will sit waiting...with tears running down my face as I type this....to hold my babies...
and I think of what I tell my sweet baby girl when she has to go to daddy's:
No matter how far, we are apart
I'm always there inside your heart...

"the greatest job you'll ever have is being a mom...nothing leaves a legacy like a little soul that was loved, adored, and loved some more ...awards and things will fade and be forgotten, but a soul is for eternity..."

huge love...and if you don't have a mama to adore you and tell you you're loved....I'll be her...."I love you precious eyes that are reading this, you are adored and cherished...go and have an amazing day today...and don't you dare let anyone ruin it! You're too loved!"....huge hugs, kandee mama